


Let It Mellow

by materialism



Category: Paramore
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 13:19:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4608246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/materialism/pseuds/materialism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every summer for as long as Zac can remember has been great, but he knows this one is going to be perfect.  Nothing can go wrong.  Which of course means that something does.</p><p>(Taylor is new.  Zac doesn't know how to feel about that.  Summer Camp Counselor AU!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let It Mellow

**Author's Note:**

> novel time:
> 
> hey everyone, it's been a minute. thanks for your patience! i've been in a really terrible place that's resulted in writer's block for me, but i've finally finished this fun little thing. i worked at a camp for a few summers back when i was in high school/college, and this is loosely based on my experiences there. i did not hook up with anyone but oh man, did my coworkers make that happen! the title is indeed based on that phrase "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down!" which was written on the inside of every bathroom stall in the cabins we worked in. i'm a child. 
> 
> you can interpret this however you like re: time. i set it in summer 2008, as i was working at a summer camp then and texting my friends when i had a spare second. taylor and zac are both 18 as is dakota, hayley is 19, josh is 20. dakota is dakotah rae; i spelled her name wrong but i'm not about to go correct it. oops. 
> 
> a very short disclaimer here - this situation is entirely, ENTIRELY fictitious as this is an AU. i do not own any of the characters, based on real people, depicted in this work; they belong to themselves. if you are any individual portrayed in this story, i highly recommend you make friends with the back button, refrain from googling yourself, and have a lovely evening with your respective significant others. 
> 
> enjoy, and again, thank you for your patience.

“What do you mean you can’t come?” Zac asks over dinner in the treehouse. 

They’ve finally fixed it up, even if they’re a little old for it. During the month of May, when Josh is first home from school, Zac tries to hang out with him at least twice a week. College really screwed up their childhood routines, and Zac is the first to admit that he really misses it. He always looks forward to camp as a way to see him even more and now...

Josh sighs. “I’m doing a program at Mannes! I thought you’d be happy for me.”

“I am happy for you! I just didn’t think you’d be in New York for the _whole summer_.” Zac sighs. This is what he gets for doing a gap year - Josh has his shit together and Zac’s just meandering.

“Hayley’s still going!” Josh says as Hayley nods vigorously. “Don’t make that face, I know it’s not the same but it’s not like you’re going to be totally alone -”

“I’m not making a face!” Zac says as Hayley laughs and shakes her head fondly. “You know I dig you, Hayls -”

“No offense taken,” she says. She’s awesome. Josh is lucky she deals with his dumb ass, to be honest.

“But yeah, it’s just always been me and you with this, Josh,” Zac says.

“Think of it this way,” Josh says, taking a sip of his beer that he stole from the beer fridge in the basement. “It’s an opportunity for you to branch out. You’re not the best with change and you know it. Maybe you’ll make a new friend.”

“Doubt it,” Zac says. “No one’s going to sign up this late in the game. Only kids who grew up in the camp really work here, besides the college kids and recent grads.”

“You’ll have me and Dakota,” Hayley says. “Oh my gosh, look at your face, it is so red right now -”

“It’s hot outside,” Zac says. “I‘m sweaty and overheated.”

“Whatever, loser,” Hayley says. “I’m gonna miss this butthead too, but hey, we’ll tear it up and you’ll forget anything ever happened. Not much else is going to be different anyway. It’s camp, same as always.” 

“I guess you’re right,” Zac says, shooting a glare at Josh for good measure before they all burst into giggles. 

“It’s not like our phones don’t exist,” Josh says. “It’s time to join the twenty first century. Embrace the power of texting.”

“I don’t want to know what you and Hayley do with your free time,” Zac says, narrowly dodging Hayley throwing her boot at him. “But I guess you’re right. Does anyone mind if I take the last slice?”

-

Regardless of Josh being the worst, Zac is beyond stoked. He goes to camp pretty much every year and it’s the highlight of his summer. Maybe it’s dorky that he loves it so much, but he doesn’t care. He loves having more time than an hour on Wednesdays to talk about the Bible, and he loves the countryside. Camp is both those things rolled into eight weeks that go by way too fast. Now that he’s graduated high school, he can be a counselor to the youngest group. It’s not a lot of money, he knows that, but it’s something that’s all his. Every summer for as long as he can remember has been great, but he knows this one is going to be perfect. Nothing can go wrong.

Which of course means that something does.

Taylor is new. This is off putting; as much as he hates to admit Josh is right about anything, he’s shitty at change. What’s worse is he sticks out like a sore thumb here. He’s such a strange person to look at. Like, there are weird looking dudes - Zac only recently stopped being short and fat - but Taylor’s like wiry. It’s not even comical though - it’s just enough for him to be noticeably out there. His shoulders are really broad but the rest of him is kind of delicate, small hips and waist but his shorts are really tight so his thighs seem big. He’s like a freak of nature, not equipped to survive the heat with those things. Dumbass. 

That’s not the only issue. His hair is long and curly, which none of the other guys have, and sometimes he wears a stupid sweatband around his head, like tennis players do. (One of the head counselors, Jeremy, also does that, but he also has a beard and tattoos and is cooler than any of them combined.) His smile is way too big for his face, and when he laughs, he straight up sounds like Goofy the cartoon character. His eyes always look like he’s surprised and Zac can’t tell what color they are. On top of all of that, which should be enough to make everyone hate him, he wears nothing but black. Everyone knows you’re gonna die of heatstroke if you’re wearing nothing but black. Clearly, Taylor is someone to despise.

However, it appears that his dislike of Taylor is a one man crusade.

“Taylor’s really cute,” Dakota says when they’re keeping watch beside the pool, twirling a lock of her long, pretty hair around her index finger. She’s dyed the tips pink, a sharp contrast to her usual bleach, and it makes her cheeks even rosier. 

Great, so much for asking her out. He’s only had a crush on her since fifth grade.

He’s too busy grumbling internally that he almost doesn’t hear her say, “Don’t you think so?”

“Uh, no? I’m a guy,” he says, the unspoken ‘duh’ ringing in the air, as he tries not to look at her nipples through her bathing suit top. If he answers really quickly, it’s just because he’s making sure she doesn’t forget that.

“Obviously you’re a guy, doofus. I was just joking. Gosh, you’re so stupid sometimes, Zac.” She takes a sip of her water bottle.

“Your mom’s stupid,” he says, which starts a battle of childish insults that they’re accustomed to. Soon enough, it’s back to work, back to stupid Taylor and his ugly, beat up sneakers. He’s the worst.

Their group of kids is adorable, 12 five year olds with enough energy to power his house for a week. Most of the counselors’ time is spent chasing after them, but it’s a good way to get exercise and make the time between study and prayer go faster. Zac has known most of these kids since they were born, so they all love him, but they also love Taylor because they can see higher when they ride on his big dumb shoulders. So easily swayed.

“You’re grinding your teeth, Z, what’s gotten into you?” Dakota says as they’re hiking up a particularly steep hill. They’re about a week and a half into camp, and by now they get the kids’ routines and habits. Zac’s carrying Jason, who jumped onto his back at the beginning, too scared to do the climb alone.

“Sorry if it’s bothering you,” Zac says.

“It’s just I’ve never seen you so tense like this,” she says, and he hates how concerned she sounds. “You’re, like, the happiest person I know.”

“I don’t know, I haven’t been sleeping that well,” Zac says. (It’s not exactly a lie. Taylor’s bed is next to his and he’s always shifting. He snores, not loudly, but just enough to keep Zac half awake most nights.)

Suddenly he gets a burst of energy that totally has nothing to do with wanting to change the subject, nope, not at all.

“Race ya!” He takes off, the kid on his back delighted at this turn of events. 

She grumbles and he hears her quicken his pace as she shouts after him, “We’re gonna talk about this later!” 

When they all get to the top of the hill, the kid hops off his back and goes to chase one of the other kids. What a little faker. Zac takes a sip of his canteen, then flops over onto the grass, exhausted. He’s pretty stocky, sturdy enough to carry way more than Josh can, but that kid’s like a lead weight. The sun is bright and hot, shining in his eyes... until it’s not. He’s relieved for the shade momentarily before realizing that only one person could do that.

“You alright there, champ?” Taylor says with that jerklike teasing voice. Ugh.

“I’m just fine, thanks,” Zac says, and gets up, even as his muscles protest. “Hauled Jason up the rocks, takes a lot out of you.”

“I do not envy you, dude. That kid is like a bunch of cinderblocks.” He takes off his sweatband, wiping his face with a bandana. There’s an indent on his forehead from the band and Zac tries not to laugh at him. 

Taylor sighs. “Can I have some of your water? Jessie drank most of mine.” Jessie’s the tiniest of the kids and they all spoil the heck out of her, even though they’re not supposed to. She’s just so cute.

“Sure, I guess,” Zac says, and hands his canteen over. Taylor lifts it slightly as a thanks and takes a long drink, too long. His eyes are closed and his eyelashes are long like a girl’s, making his face soft, even with his wild curls crowding his face. How is he not as sweaty as Taylor is right now? The sweatband is probably disgusting. Zac’s glad he took it off; he almost was gonna take it off himself. He holds out his hand expectantly, and Taylor hands him the bottle, smiling at him.

“Thanks, amigo,” he says, wiping his mouth with his arm, which probably has a ton of dirt on it. “Hey, there’s a little something on your face.”

“Where?” Zac says, moving his hand up his face. Of course he had something on his face the whole time he was talking to Dakota, because that’s his life. 

“It’s a little higher - no, more to the - you’re gonna poke your eye out, just let me do it,” Taylor says, and grabs the back of his head with one hand.

“What the -” Zac says, because Taylor’s face is really close, but he pinches something below his eye and backs away, holding it out on his fingertip. If Zac’s short of breath, it’s just because of the heat.

Zac flinches and bats at the air uselessly. “Don’t touch me.”

“Sorry for getting in your face. I forgot to wear my contacts today,” Taylor says. He moves his finger closer to Zac. “Make a wish.”

“I wish for -”

“No, you can’t say it, or it’s not gonna come true. Try again.”

Zac wants to cross his arms, but he’s trying to keep it cool. I wish you would stop bothering me. He blows the eyelash away.

“There, was that so hard?” Taylor grins and Zac looks away. Jessie and Bryant, a pudgy redhead with a mean streak, run toward them. Taylor catches Jessie mid-run while Zac is nearly bowled over by Bryant.

“Be careful, dude,” Taylor says. “Wouldn’t want the kids to think you’re a softie.” Zac scowls, but Bryant is tugging him along and he can’t really make a comeback.

Long after lights out, Zac is awake, daring himself to take a drink out of the canteen he hasn’t touched since Taylor used it. He looks at Taylor hanging out of the bed that’s too small for him, mouth open. If he were honest with himself, he would have wished Taylor wasn’t constantly there, even when he closed his eyes.

-

- _Yo lil bro! Sorry I haven’t gotten to texting you until now. New York is insane. How are things?_

- _dakota dyed her hair pink, hayley likes the new bathing suit mom bought her, there’s this annoying new kid._

- _Annoying new kid?_

- _he’s not even worth talking about, josh._

-

Zac can’t find his favorite shirt. (It’s Josh’s old Ramones shirt. He looks really good in it, he thinks, even if it is a little ratty from putting it in with bleach one time. It’s way better than any of Taylor’s boring shirts.) It’s not professional to freak out when he’s working, so he puts himself into turbo work mode. Taylor always takes the first break of the day, so getting some alone time with Dakota and Hayley is a nice distraction from the undercurrent of utter panic he’s feeling. He doesn’t tear apart the cabin until his break, forgoing a much needed shower to find this stupid thing. He packed enough shirts so he doesn’t have to miss one shirt, but it’s the principle of the thing. When he comes back from break, there’s Taylor, with his revolting headband - _and Zac’s Ramones shirt._

Normally, he wouldn’t care - this is camp, shirts are going to get mixed up in the laundry - but it’s his favorite and Taylor stole it right from him. He’s gotta get angry, even if it’s just on principle. 

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” Zac says, trying to keep his voice level. 

“Yeah sure,” Taylor says, bopping Corey on the nose before sending him off to hang out with Hayley. The look of delight on Corey’s face is enough to further fuel Zac’s anger. Why don’t the other kids like him like that? As Zac practically stomps away from everyone, Taylor calmly walks ahead of him to a clearing a few yards away. Taylor follows, all ordinary, like he’s not wearing a shirt he stole.

“What’s up?” 

“That’s my shirt,” Zac says.

“No, it’s mine,” Taylor says. 

“No, it’s mine,” Zac says. He points at the sleeve. “There’s a little bleach stain because my brother messed up washing it. Don’t you know to not take things that don’t belong to you?”

“Hmmm,” Taylor says, looking down at what is clearly Zac’s shirt. “That’s why it’s so loose.”

It _is_ loose on him. Zac doesn’t know whether to feel offended or to laugh at how weird Taylor looks in it. He opts for frowning instead, since Taylor’s stretching it out with his stupidly big shoulders. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I have the same shirt,” Taylor says. “It must have fallen between our beds or something and I just assumed it was mine.”

“Well it’s not,” Zac says. “It’s got a bleach stain on the sleeve, see?” 

“Yeah, you said already. I’m sorry,” Taylor says, trying to be serious, but Zac can tell he wants to laugh at him. Ugh. 

“It’s fine,” Zac says, even though it’s not. “I just want it back.”

“Here.” Taylor whips off the shirt in one fell motion, holding it out to Zac, who takes it after a few moments of gaping. “It’s kind of hot out to be wearing a shirt today anyway.”

Zac figured that Taylor’s body wouldn’t be anything to write home about, but he’s mistaken. Sure, he’s not a body builder, but he’s got a little definition - definitely nice arms and shoulders, enough shape that a girl would definitely find it appealing. He has a little chest hair and a stripe leading from his belly button down to his waistband. Zac thinks about his own chubby, shapeless body and feels self conscious. That’s totally why his cheeks are heating up.

“Are you alright there?” Taylor says, and Zac realizes he’s been staring.

“Uh, yeah,” Zac says. “You didn’t have to give it to me right now.”

Taylor shrugs. “I figured I’d give it to you before I decided I liked it better than mine.” 

He walks away to bop Bryant on top of the head, taking off into a run when he chases after him. Zac is left to think about his words. What was that all about? 

“Hey, no fair!” Dakota says, walking over to him and smacking him on the arm. “You don’t even like guys and you got a free show. You’re a jerk.”

“You act like I wanted him to do that,” Zac says, holding up the shirt. It’s damp in his hands, and he has to hold back from smelling it like a fucking weirdo. “Are the washers still broken?”

“They’re good,” Dakota says, sidling up next to him and examining the shirt alongside him. Zac is relishing her presence next to him, her shoulder fitted alongside his arm. “He looked better in it than you did, though.”

“I think that sweatband has brainwashing powers,” Zac says, flicking her on the nose. She giggles and he dies just a little on the inside. “Why else would you think he’s good looking?”

“You wouldn’t get it,” Dakota says. “That’s okay though. I still like you anyway.” 

Zac’s not so sure about any of what she just said.

-

- _It’s not like it’s an incredibly rare shirt. He probably just thought it was his. I don’t care if it’s stretched out._

- _it’s the principle of the thing, josh. you don’t just take someone else’s shit._

_-Says the guy who has been stealing my clothes, books, and CDs since we were little._

_-we’re brothers. that’s different._

-

As if it weren’t bad enough that he has to work and live with Taylor, the two of them get paired together for a lot of extra-curricular tasks, with Hayley and Dakota being the other pair from their unit. The same sex partnerships are probably an effort on the part of the head honchos to discourage horny teenagers from hooking up. (It doesn’t work of course - the guys and girls find ways of meeting up anyway. Zac gives them kudos for trying though.) Since they’re the newbies (Taylor especially), they get roped into a lot of maintenance by counselors with seniority - including fixing their own cabin, something that should have been done before they moved in. Whatever, Zac could use some practice with these skills anyway. And it’s good to have a partner to pass the time with, even if he’s annoying and terrible. 

“Hey Bambi, think you could pass me the nail box?” Taylor says when they’re fixing a busted shelf by their sinks. 

Zac passes it to Taylor without thinking, as he’s concentrated on hammering a loose plank. Neither of them have spoken much except for these simple requests (amazing, lovely, fantastic), so it takes him a few seconds to register what Taylor just called him, and a few more seconds to have any reaction other than ‘huh’. 

“Did you just call me Bambi?” Zac says.

“Is there anyone else around?” Taylor says, positioning a nail. Zac hopes he jams his thumb.

“As in the cartoon deer,” Zac says.

“Your eyes are ridiculously dark. And they’re really big. Like a baby deer.” Taylor gives him the biggest ‘duh’ look, like Zac is being silly for not realizing the connection. He hammers in the nail with razor sharp precision, because he’s good at this too, just like he’s good at everything else. 

“Huh,” Zac says, then quickly regains his cool. “Well, if you’re gonna call me Bambi, I’m gonna call you Thumper. Seems fair.”

Taylor whips around, face utterly delighted. It’s a funny sight, him with a hammer dangling from his hand and a goofy smile on his dumb face. It’s cute. In an objective way, like a cartoon rabbit, not like he thinks Taylor is cute. Cute things can also be stupid and terrible, like his aunt’s chihuahua. 

“Are you saying I have big feet?” Taylor says, fake pouting. Now that’s just gross and not cute at all. 

“And you clomp around all the time,” Zac says. “Like, I can tell when you get up to go to the bathroom.”

“Well, you snore,” Taylor says, with a ‘hmph!’ expression on his face. “I’m pretty sure deer don’t snore. You’re a defect.”

Zac doesn’t know why that hurts. It’s not even clever. Taylor’s a defect - no one actually has hair like that. God has a great sense of humor. “Can you pass me the nailbox?”

Taylor’s face falls, and he keeps the nailbox close, which is annoying. “That was a little mean. I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool,” Zac says, shrugging. “I’m the ugly one in the family - that’s kind of a defect.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Taylor says. 

“Believe it,” Zac says. “Now give me the nailbox.”

“If you’re the ugly one, are any of your siblings single?” Taylor says, still holding it away. “Hook me up.”   
“I only have one sister and she’s sixteen, you creep,” Zac says. Is Dakota not good enough for him that he has to seek outside as well? “Regardless of gender, I’m the only single one, anyway.”

For a split second, Zac swears he sees a flicker of excitement, but it’s quickly extinguished with... resignation? Sadness? No, whatever, Zac is clearly letting his imagination get away from him. When he speaks, it’s an airy tone that feels false. He shoves the nailbox forward. “That’s too bad.” 

“Yeah...” Zac says, taking it and putting it away. “We done here?”   
Taylor squints his eyes to make sure things are aligned and gives a short nod. They’re putting things away when Dakota walks in with tiny little Jeannie, one of the Allen twins. 

“Hey!” Dakota says, walking right beside Taylor and lining herself right alongside him as she stares up at the shelf. “Jeanne wanted to see what you two were doing back here.”

“Up!” Jeannie says to Zac, huge brown eyes beaming as she looks up at him, arms spread. She’s a little delayed, doesn’t have a whole lot of words like her chatty sister, but she’s such a cutie. Zac knows what it’s like to not be noticed because of your overachieving sibling.

“Of course,” Zac says and scoops her up no problem, grinning when she squeals with delight. He points at the shelf, touching it. “You can touch it. No splinters, I promise.”

Jeannie reaches out tentatively and gives it a flash touch, like it’s going to bite her. When she realizes it’s okay, she runs her pointer along its surface. She grins. “It’s smooth!”

“We painted it so it would look nice and not just like wood,” Zac says. “I’m glad you like it, ma’am.”

Jeannie smiles, a real big toothy one. She’s so sweet to everyone, even the kids who pick on her. Zac could really use a lesson in her cheerfulness nowadays. When he looks away from her, he sees Dakota and Taylor looking at him funny.

“What?” Zac says. “I’m just talking about paint with my girl Jeannie over here.”

“She’s been so sad all day,” Dakota says. “I’m glad someone was able to get her out of that.”

“I try my best,” Zac says, blushing. There’s something in the softness of her smile that’s really nice.

“I don’t even have anything witty to say,” Taylor says, smirking. “This is just adorable.”

Wait, why is his face heating up at that dumb remark? He’s being a jerk, first off, and secondly, why would he be calling Zac adorable? That would be weird. This whole situation is weird. He does the only thing he can think of.

“Want a piggy back ride?” he says to Jeannie, who nods vigorously. He nods at everyone. “You heard the little lady. I’m off. Dakota, can you put away the hammers for me?”

“Sure,” he thinks he hears Dakota say, but he’s already out the back and through the bunk space with Jeannie on his back, squealing and laughing wildly. 

He’s never been above running from his problems. 

-

- _If you think I’m not bringing that up at every family gathering from here on out, you’re dead wrong._

-

“So,” Taylor says to him later the next day in the mess hall. They’re both on cleaning rotation and missing a group session. “Tell me about yourself.” 

Zac is not exactly in the mood, since he’s missing group session. Why does Taylor want to be friends with him when he also seems content on making his life miserable? Yesterday with Dakota was just... ugh. But whatever. Zac’s not a child. He can handle this. “That’s a broad question, dude.”

Taylor rolls his eyes, but it isn’t mean. It’s never mean. “Okay, Bambi. Where are you from? Do you have any siblings? What’s your sign?” 

He flutters his eyes at the last one. Zac can’t help but laugh, despite that annoying nickname. “Okay... I’m from Tennessee, which yeah, boring. Two older brothers, one younger brother and a younger sister -”

“Who is sixteen,” Taylor says. “The one fact I already know.”

“Don’t forget it either,” Zac says. “My brother Josh is actually Hayley’s boyfriend.”

“Dude, really?” Taylor says. “That’s sweet.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty awesome, unlike every other girl he’s dated,” Zac says, rolling his eyes. Up until Hayley, Josh was a walking romantic disaster. “Uh, I have no idea what my sign is. I’m born June 4th?”

“Gemini,” Taylor says automatically. “I know it’s weird I know that.”

“Maybe a little,” Zac says. What does that junk even mean really? “But hey, I’ll throw the same questions back at you. Trivia making the time go faster.

“Makes you less of a mystery more like,” Taylor says. “I’ve been working with you for how long now and I know nothing about you aside from that the kids love your piggy back rides and you have a nice smile.”

Zac feels really taken aback by that last comment. He wants to make a snarky remark back. Instead, he says, with pink cheeks no doubt, “Yours isn’t too bad either.” 

“Thank goodness for braces,” Taylor says, grinning again. “All that pain was totally worth it.”

“Stop avoiding answering your own questions,” Zac says. 

Taylor rolls his eyes. “Well, I’m also from Tennessee, I guess. My dad works for the military so we travel a lot, but I was born here and have lived here a few times. Two older brothers and yeah, we all have curly hair. Sagittarius. Fire, baby, fire.”

“How many times have you moved? I’ve lived in the same house my whole life,” Zac says. He feels really uncool right now.

“Way too many times to keep track,” Taylor says. “It sounds cool, but it sucks to uproot your life like three times a year. It’s always just when I’m starting to make friends.”

“When do you leave this time, do you know?” Zac says. Why does he care all of the sudden? He’s never going to see Taylor again after the summer ends so it shouldn’t matter. 

“I’m actually going to be living in Nashville with my brother and his girlfriend,” Taylor says, visibly cheerful. “Just graduated high school and I don’t really wanna go to college yet, so I’m just gonna work for a while, I think.”

Zac’s heart jumpstarts from its leisurely beat. He’s going to be living in Nashville, probably for the foreseeable future. Zac’s probably going to stay in Franklin for the time being as well. He’s not sure how he feels about it; he feels like he should be more angry or disappointed than he is. There’s something sitting in his chest that can only be described as a vague intrigue. Good transition question, good transition question... 

“What do you think you’d do?” Zac asks. “I mean, for a job.”

“Hmmm,” Taylor says. “The only thing I’m really good at is music and stuff surrounding that. So maybe I’d teach lessons. Or like, fix instruments.”

Zac’s ears perk up automatically at that. A lot of people here are really into sports; he and Josh are the weird music brothers. “That’s awesome. Do you sing?” 

Taylor laughs. “Not at all. Your ears would explode if you ever heard me sing. I can play guitar though. And drums.”

“I play drums too,” Zac says. This conversation is easy. This conversation is safe. “I also sing, but my brother’s better and Hayley’s amazing.”

“I’m sure you’re a million times better than me, so I think that’s all that counts,” Taylor says. “I brought my guitar. Maybe we could jam a little some time.”

“Hayley hates getting dragged into that stuff, but I’ll ask her,” Zac says.

“Oh, uh,” Taylor says, laughing a little. “I meant you and me but she can come too.” 

Something in Zac’s chest clenches a little at that. Would he be able to just go it alone with Taylor - in a non work related context? Like, just for fun? The idea intrigues him but it also makes him really nervous. “I’d like to play music with just you, too, I guess.” 

Taylor grins as he examines a plate. A few moments pass, unremarkable, but then: “Do you like anyone?”

Where did that come from? Is he scoping out potential competitors? Zac maintains his composure as best he can. “That’s a jump. Why do you care?”

“Just asking,” Taylor says, sniffing a milk carton and frowning. “You don’t have to answer.” 

“I have kind of a thing for Dakota,” Zac volunteers, then rolls his eyes at himself. Why does he spill his guts to Taylor all the time?

“Oh, uh, that’s cool,” Taylor says, voice taking on a stilted quality. “Are you gonna ask her out?”

“Not likely,” Zac says. “I think she likes you.”

Taylor smiles at that. What a jerk. “Good to know, I guess.”

“She’d definitely go out with you if you asked her,” Zac says. He may as well shoot himself in both feet at this rate. 

“I don’t really want a girlfriend,” Taylor says.

Understandable, he guesses. He’s still feeling out the vibe of this place after being gone for so many years. Even so, a summer fling could be fun for him. Zac could live vicariously through him, or be so pissed off he destroys his mind. Either would be appealing at this rate, what with this limbo he feels like he can’t get out of. 

“Well, that’s a good reason to not ask her out then,” Zac says. _Stupid, stupid. Why do you always say such stupid stuff._

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like her as a friend,” Taylor says, and chucks the last of the plates in the trash can. “But I guess my interests are elsewhere.”

When he looks up, his eyes are a brilliant near-green, mysterious and piercing through him. It feels like a punch in the chest and Zac doesn’t know how to react. The air is so thin in here, so hot. 

Taylor flashes him a bright smile, as though nothing happened. “Let’s get to the lake before our group gets stuck with the crappy boats.”

“Okay,” Zac says. It takes him a second to register that he should be following him.

-

- _do you take stock in astrology at all?_

- _Not really. Hayley was big into that shit for a little while though so I might know a thing or two, sadly. Why?_

- _what’s the compatibility of a gemini and a sagittarius?_

- _I thought Dakota was born in April. I think that makes her a Taurus?_

- _oh yeah haha, shows how much i know about astrology :P_

-

So - okay, so Zac can totally admit that he thinks about Taylor way too much for it to be normal. Totally man enough for that. He's thought about guys before, like, kind of in that way, but he thinks about other stuff way more. Girls, who are way easier to think about because there are so many awesome things about girls. And it's sex stuff with girls, where it's not really sex stuff with guys. Well, not entirely - he’s just horny in general. Probably the most he's wondered about up until now is kissing a guy, but then again, he'd kiss a frog at this point. Eighteen and never been kissed. That's sad. 

He bets Taylor has hooked up with tons of girls. Maybe had sex with them? He’s been around the world after all - maybe he has some sort of international appeal. Not like Zac, with his thoughts all over the place, a simple Southern boy. Zac is well aware that when he thinks about guys, it's not a normal thing. Even in all his travels and experience, Taylor has probably never had a single thought like that. It would at least be kind of a comfort if there was another guy around who had these thoughts. This sucks. 

He thought that admitting his... Yeah, honestly, his crush on Taylor would make things easier, but it actually makes things worse. They've built up a kind of rapport, inside jokes and friendly banter. Zac feels like he’s able to show Taylor his actual self. But whenever Zac feels like they're actually getting it right, he fucks up and Taylor's back to making fun of him. And now it hurts more than it did. Zac's trying to not read into things, but he gets his stupid hopes up, which crash down whenever Taylor does that stupid laugh reserved for him. 

Today, for example, Taylor seems to have it in for him. Everything Zac does or says has some sort of snarky comeback. It’s hard enough normally, having to brush off jokes about his face and posture and grumpiness, but from the moment he woke up today he’s been in a world of hell. They’re cleaning up after a relay race, with Hayley and Dakota begging off to take the kids to the pool. (This actually means kick around in the water and gossip while vaguely being lifeguard.) 

“Your hair’s soaked,” Taylor says, leaning against a tree and watching Zac pick up cones. He’s wearing that sweatband and a horrendous flowered pair of swim trunks, but he’s shirtless and effortless. The bastard.

“Jeremy pushed me in the pool,” Zac says, as though he’s saying ‘the sky is blue’. “You saw that happen.”

“Yeah, I just wanted to let you know in case you didn’t remember,” Taylor says.

“Thank you, much appreciated,” Zac says, hoping that ends the conversation. 

Taylor laughs under his breath. “You sure you can swim?”

“Pretty positive, yeah,” Zac says. “Are you going to help me out or just stare at me?”

“I’ll help you in a second,” Taylor says. “I’m trying to think if we have any spare floaties.”

There's something about the nightmare of a day he's having on top of Taylor’s attitude - humidity, Corey having a meltdown, getting pushed into the pool that no one is letting him forget about today - but he really can't do this right now.

“Can you fucking quit it already?” Zac shouts, throwing down the cones and making Taylor actually jump back. “I know I’m an easy target, but today has been shitty enough without you piling onto my overall horrible mood. You can go back to mocking me tomorrow, I pinky promise.” 

Taylor’s quiet for a good minute, just looking at him, eyes unreadable. Zac kind of wants to take it back now - a jackass friend/sorta crush (why, _why_ does he have this awful crush) is better than no friend at all. He stammers and makes to walk away so he can splash some water on his face, and then maybe smack his head against a wall a million times. Before he can, though, Taylor grabs his arm and pulls him back to look at him.

“You’re not going anywhere, Bambi,” Taylor says, tugging him closer. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Zac says, shaking his head. He’s trying to quell the happy-queasy feeling he gets from that dumb nickname. “I overreacted. I’m just being a little bitch because I had a bad day, boo hoo -”

“No, I’m an asshole and I take it too far sometimes,” Taylor says. “Thank you for telling me. I’m the most oblivious person in the world, but keep telling me, and I’ll stop every time. You can make fun of me now, go for it, my comeuppance.”

Zac can’t help but laugh. “I think I’ll pass. I like a challenge.”

“There we go,” Taylor says, breaking into a smile that makes Zac’s head spin. “But really, what’s wrong?”

Zac goes into a story about the day - Corey’s almighty tantrum that resulted in the huge cut on his leg and the on and off searing pain all day which resulted in an argument with his mother about taking care of himself and doing something real with his life, and getting pushed in the pool during the race so water’s all up in his ear canals. “And like, I know you didn’t know, but I already feel like enough of a joke today.”

Taylor’s brow furrows. “You’re not a joke to me.”

Zac raises his eyebrow. “Are you sure about that?”

Taylor bites his lip, and ugh, he looks really cute, it’s so awful. “I know this is weird but. Can I give you a hug?”

Zac wants to, really wants to, more than anything else in this exact moment, but he is going to say no, because guys don’t do that, and because he would probably freak them both out. Taylor’s just trying to be nice, but in that way that he doesn’t actually want to do it. He’s going to say no, and they’ll forget this conversation ever happened. 

“Yeah, sure,” he says instead. 

Taylor flashes him a brilliant grin that makes his heart flutter. He walks forward and wraps his arms tightly around Zac’s shoulders, squeezing him tight. Zac has no place to put his arms but around Taylor’s waist, which feels too intimate, but is better than being awkward and still. He’s not going to deny that it feels perfect to have Taylor in his arms like this, but what would Taylor think if he knew what Zac was thinking? He’d get out of Zac’s embrace immediately and they really wouldn’t be friends anymore. 

“I’m sorry you’re having a bad day,” Taylor says, not letting go. “I wish you weren’t, because it sucks to literally feel you being sad. And I’m sorry for taking things too far. I think I forget that you’re a human being and you’re not just going to be this teddy bear all the time.”

“It’s cool,” Zac says thickly. “Teddy bear though?”

“Would you prefer something else?” Taylor says, still not moving from his shoulder. His breath is hot through the cloth. “Panda bear? Polar bear? Grizzly bear?”

“I’m just surprised you haven’t resorted to Fozzy Bear,” Zac says, shuddering at the feel of Taylor’s damp breath gushing onto his skin. “Bad jokes, bad clothes. Waka waka waka.”

Instead of throwing a comeback, Taylor laughs at that, probably way more than the joke is worth. It’s startling in its clarity, and it dawns on Zac that maybe Taylor’s been guarded for some strange reason. He breaks apart from Zac to breathe, eyes a little teary, and Zac hates that he feels so empty. He wants to tug Taylor back into his arms and make him laugh like that again.

“Wow, I don’t know why that was so funny,” Taylor says. “You in a dumb bowler hat maybe.” 

“I feel better,” Zac says, because he does. “Thanks.”

“Least I could do,” Taylor says. “Gotta say, though - you might regret bringing your A-game for our mini hug fest. I’m probably gonna hit you up for a hug every once in a while from now on.”

“I’m sure I’ll survive,” Zac says. His heartbeat says otherwise.

-

- _is that not a little weird though?_

- _Did you mind the hug?_

- _that’s not what i’m talking about. but no._

- _So he said sorry and you didn’t mind getting a hug. Doesn’t sound like a weird thing to me._

- _you’re impossible._

_You want to know what’s impossible? Public transit on weekends here, dude._

- _that’s so funny, taylor was saying the same thing about new york, back when his family lived in brooklyn._

- _Things always come back to him, you notice that right?_

- _you really are impossible._

-

Zac’s got this crush thing on lock. Totally. Definitely. For once in his life, he’s not completely failing at normal human interaction.

Sure, something off happens every so often, like their shirt interaction, but Zac’s way too busy to give it more than a passing thought. Their hands will brush for a second if they’re passing each other something. They whisper a little too close to each other’s faces. They hug more than two young straight guys probably should. For the most part, though, this is a mutual loosening up, a transition from begrudging coworkers to easygoing kind of friends. The promise of music - and continued hugs - in the near future is keeping Zac going through his confusion, this common ground they share.

They’re still different in a lot of ways, though, especially in terms of comfort within themselves. Zac changes in corners and behind doors so people aren’t grossed out, but Taylor has pretty much no shame as long as they’re out of sight of the kids. Dakota and Hayley voice their appreciation for it when they think no one’s listening in the back room. (Hayley’s got a boyfriend, so that’s totally inappropriate, but he’s not gonna tell Josh. There are some things a big brother doesn’t need to know.)

“He’s so hot,” Dakota says, and Zac hears them giggle. “And so nice. He’s a little distant, yeah, but I think I can break through that.” 

“He’s probably just a little bit shy around girls,” Hayley says. “Josh was the same. It was charming.”

“You two are so gross,” Dakota says, but it’s fond.

Lots of mixed thoughts swirl through his head as he shucks off his muddy cutoffs and T-shirt. Despite her acknowledgment of Taylor’s supposed good looks, Hayley’s a really good girlfriend. Zac’s glad to know that even in the face of temptation, she’s still really into Josh. Josh has been texting him like crazy that he thinks he’s in love with her, so the feeling is probably mutual. Zac isn’t sure he’s ever going to fall in love. People don’t seem worth it. This stupid fucking thing that’s bleeding through every part of the sponge that is his brain doesn’t even seem worth it. Dakota would probably get to him first. That would be a couple that would just shred his stomach apart.

His clothes are a mess right now, so it’s going to take him a bit to find a T-shirt, but no one’s going to be back here for a while. He should be good. He hears someone fumbling by the bathrooms, but doesn’t really think anything of it until - 

“Oh my gosh, I didn’t mean -” Taylor says, stopping short in the hall. Zac’s so shocked he doesn’t even know what to do with his hands.

No, no, no, this is the worst thing that could have happened - Taylor who everyone loves and adores seeing ugly fat Zac in his underwear. His eyes are as wide as saucers, his cheeks pink (from sunburn, probably, they were out really long today), and Zac feels his own cheeks heat up from shame. He knows he’s not a pleasant sight to look at, but it’s surely not that bad. While he looks down and fumbles around for a shirt, he sees Taylor still staring at him out of the corner of his eye. When he finally finds a nice, big shirt and tugs it on, his vision refocuses to Taylor still staring at him. 

“You alright there, man?” Zac says as he easily locates a pair of shorts. Of course, the part that’s less revolting he has no problem with.

“Sorry, zoned out,” Taylor says, an edge in his voice. His eyes get even wider as he dashes to his little cubby and grabs a towel. “Just getting this.”

“Okay...” Zac says, doing his best impression of thinking that Taylor is weird. He reaches up to get his toothbrush. “Have a good shower, I guess?”

Taylor laughs a little, a huff of breath, just as Zac’s inwardly smacking his forehead at how awkward that sounded. “Thanks. I’ll try my best.”

Zac can only stare at him at he walks out, sure and stable, like Zac can’t even fathom feeling right now. When he can’t see Taylor anymore, he braces his arm on the cubbies and leans against them, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing heavily. His heart is practically buzzing with how embarrassed he is - no, beyond that, freaked the fuck out. His stomach feels like it’s collapsing in on itself, right along with his lungs. Sweat is dampening his freshly donned clothes, a contrast to the cool night air flowing through a cracked window. 

Zac wouldn’t have guessed that beneath his cargo shorts and swim trunks were thighs like _that_ , solid and thick. He now knows just how far down that trail of hair from his belly button goes, leading into boxer briefs slung low on his bony hips. He’s a good looking guy, and Zac can totally admit to that. He can admit to that, he can admit to having a crush, he’s got this down on lock.

What he can’t handle is how much he wants to fuck Taylor.

A crush isn’t necessarily a sin. It can be just admiring how someone talks or acts or even just appreciating their looks. It’s lighthearted and can go away, or so he’s been told (or so he’s told himself, even up until this very second). But Zac’s imagination is running rampant tonight, allowing him to have thoughts that if ever even spoken of would send him to hell. He wishes he had kissed Taylor just now instead of letting him leave. He imagines what their skin would feel like together, his hot to Taylor’s cool. He imagines a night where Dakota and Hayley aren’t there, where the kids aren’t even there, so that they can take a shower together. He imagines their bodies pressed together under the spray of the water, lips, teeth, hands, mouths roaming around. It’s an intoxicating dream. It’s only ever going to be a dream. 

Somehow, Zac doesn’t come in his pants, though it’s a pretty close thing. He’s pretty proud he doesn’t throw up either. 

When he’s finally calmed himself down, he takes a shaky walk over to the sinks to brush his teeth and wash his face. He looks at himself in the mirror and sees a pale, tired, scared eighteen year old staring back at him. He splashes himself in the face with cold water and is letting it drip down his face when he hears something from the showers. It’s a heavy, husky breathing, peppered with choked vocalizations, inconsistent. At first Zac thinks he’s just imagining it, but Dakota and Hayley have already gone off to bed and... 

Zac’s Christian, but he’s not that kind of Christian. He’s definitely jacked off more than... okay, more than a bunch of times. What can he say? He’s eighteen, and he’s a guy, and girls exist. He doesn’t blame Taylor for rubbing one out in the slightest. It could be for any number of reasons, really - sometimes Zac gets off just to relieve some tension so he can sleep. Today was especially long, starting early and ending way too late for sugar hyped children. Totally reasonable. Zac usually showers in the morning during his break so he takes care of that nonsense if necessary then. 

Given their interaction though, Zac can’t shake this off. His thoughts are back and he’s filled with this incandescent rage at himself and his dirtiness. But it’s all so intoxicating, Taylor soaking wet and under the spray, water coursing down his body as he jacks himself off... Maybe he’s biting his lip to keep from making noise, but it’s not working very well, clearly. Leaning back against the wall, thighs parted, and...

Zac walks as quickly and quietly as he can to the nearest bathroom stall. He locks himself in and pulls down his shorts, grabbing a bunch of toilet paper before quickly jacking himself off. He’s biting on his lip so hard that it’s definitely going to be bruised at the end of this, but he can’t bring himself to care, imagining his fast moving hand is a certain someone else’s. When he comes, it’s not to the thought of anything sexual, but instead a thought of them just hugging like they usually do, except without shirts on, skin against skin. In the afterglow, his heart beats like it does when Taylor smiles.

Fuck. 

-

- _I’m learning a lot but man, summertime is supposed to be about unlimited sex potential. I’m dying over here._

- _that’s more information about you and hayley than i ever wanted to know ever_

- _You’re a virgin, dude, you wouldn’t understand. I kind of miss when masturbation was all I had to go off. Now that I know what the real thing feels like..._

- _please stop texting me and go jack off._

- _Is it awkward for you? You know, since you’re crushing on someone you work with, you probably jack off thinking about her and then it’s weird._

- _you have no idea._

-

Some nights, they all hang out on the porch of the cabin. As of recently, Dakota smokes (which is pretty much the only gross thing about her). When she exhales, it smells nice in the air. It gets chilly up here, even in the summer. Most nights they just talk, but tonight they’re playing truth or dare, because apparently they’re twelve. Dakota has already taken her top off, just hanging out in her bra. Zac feels like that’s something he should be more thrilled about than he is. Hayley has licked the faucet on the oldest sink and keeps clicking her tongue, trying to get the last remnants of taste off her tongue. 

As for Zac and Taylor, they both jumped in the lake with all their clothes (including shoes) on. Though it was night time, it had been just light enough then for Zac to drink in the sight of soaked Taylor with his clothes damp and stuck to his body, his white shirt gone translucent. Now they’re both wrapped in towels and Zac feels like a baby swaddled in a blanket. Taylor’s is draped over his shoulders and looks like a cape. Even with stupid shit like this, he ends up looking unaffected. 

“Taylor, true or dare, yadda yadda,” Hayley says, clicking her tongue again and making a disgusted noise.

“Truth,” he says, and everyone gasps exaggeratedly. No one has said truth so far.

“Okay, truth,” Dakota says. “Who was your first crush?”

Taylor thinks, not in a way that means he doesn’t want to say, but in a way that means he can’t really remember. “Um... oh yeah! Jimmy Wheeler.”

There’s a deadly silence that blankets the three of them. No one moves. Zac’s heart is currently residing somewhere low in his gut. Does that mean...

“Jimmy’s a weird name for a girl,” Hayley says.

“That’s because he was a guy,” Taylor says. “I’m bi.”

“You’re bi?” Zac says, trying to keep any accusation out of his voice.

“Yeah,” Taylor says, shrugging. “It’s no big deal. No one in my family cares - or like, seems to care anyway.” 

Zac is freaking the hell out. _What does he mean he’s bi? What does he mean it’s no big deal? And why is everyone else nodding along and just acting like it’s just some normal thing? He can’t be. He flirts with Dakota and Hayley all the time. Yeah that’s part of being bi, but aren’t bi guys more gay than not? He’s not bi, he’s like... a normal person, not a freak like me._

“Can that even happen with dudes?” Zac says, and almost smacks his forehead. Stupid, stupid.

“Well, let’s see. I’ve had sex with girls and crushes on guys,” Taylor says, smirking. “So yeah, it ‘happens with dudes.’”

Zac has a flash of Taylor between some girl’s legs, on top of her, thrusting while she moans, and he feels his cheeks heat up. Sure, he’s figured that Taylor’s had sex, but he’s never imagined it until now. His bare chest and legs, face red from exertion... he’s in a haze until he hears Hayley’s voice.

“I don’t know any gay people,” Hayley says. “Well, now I know you, since you’re a gay person. Bi person. Guy who likes guys. My parents think it’s wrong but I don’t think it is. I mean, you’re not a bad person.”

Hayley’s always been more of a forward thinker than the rest of them. It’s kind of weird, since she’s from more religious territory than even he and Josh.

“Thanks,” Taylor says. His cheeks are pink even in the dark. 

“Is it weird that I think guys kissing guys is kinda hot?” Dakota says sheepishly. Hayley turns and looks at her sharply, in the way that means she does too but doesn’t want to say it.

“Well, I do too, so,” Taylor says and they both laugh, their tension lifting at least a little. If only Zac could go along with them. “Hey, Zac.” 

Zac snaps out of his freaked out thought bubble. He tries to sound nonchalant. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Taylor isn’t falling for it - he is, as usual, amused by Zac’s existence. “Truth or dare?”

“Uh. Truth, I guess. You’re gonna give me a wedgie or something with dare.” Taylor better not ask him anything ridiculous.

Taylor gives him a suspiciously sweet smile. “Have you ever kissed a boy?” 

“Ew, no,” Zac says almost instantly, trying to make his face contort into a grimace. It doesn’t work considering how the rest of them burst into laughter. 

“Ha ha, Zac’s not part of our club,” Dakota says, and goes to sit beside Hayley, who is already beside Taylor. Hayley’s still a little twitchy with Taylor, but she’s already easing into it. How? How is she just cool with it? 

“Like I’d want to be part of that club anyway,” Zac says. _Like I’ve even kissed anyone at all,_ he thinks. “I bet you haven’t kissed a guy anyway.”

“I haven’t had the chance to yet, what with the moving all the time,” Taylor says. “But I think I might have a shot now that I’m staying in Nashville for a while.”

Taylor’s statement is soon glossed over with Dakota spilling the latest bit of gossip about the college kids. Zac closes his eyes to avoid Taylor’s glance, thinking about how loaded those words felt - or the meaning he’s endowing on them anyway. When he catches a glimpse, it’s the most sincere look he’s ever gotten from Taylor. There’s an edge of curiosity in his stare, a hint of sympathy even. Only God knows why. 

When they finally head into bed at some ridiculous hour of the morning, Taylor stops him on his way to the sinks. His eyes are that same shade of cautious as they were in the dining hall, and his hand is firm and searing hot on Zac’s forearm.

“We’re cool, right?” Taylor says, meek as a mouse. “Like, I hope I’m not weirding you out. I just wanted to be honest.”

Zac knows what he’s talking about, so he’s not going to pretend he doesn’t. “It’s cool, man. Whatever. You do you.”

“Okay,” Taylor says, not looking away. “Cool.”

“Cool,” Zac says, also not looking away. “Great.”

It takes them both a good thirty seconds to shake their stare, with Zac staring into Taylor’s eyes like he’s a girl or something. His mind keeps going back to the idea that Taylor’s not a virgin, which is weird. He knows Hayley’s not a virgin either (unfortunately, Josh‘s room is right next to his), but Hayley’s straight. Has Taylor ever had sex with a guy? He didn’t say he had, but he said he had sex with a girl. Or girls. Zac feels a pulse of searing anger in his chest at the thought of Taylor having screwed around with more than one girl. Why does he care? He’s not a girl. Even if Taylor likes boys, he would never go for Zac. Maybe he likes Jeremy. That would be a more viable choice. He’d probably like Josh if he were here, even though Josh is as straight as they come. Zac’s especially angry Josh isn’t here to help him out.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice Taylor’s hand making its way down his arm until it reaches his hand. By the time he notices their hands interlocking, it’s too late to back out. Taylor’s hand is warm in his own, the roughness probably from guitar playing. This somehow feels more intimate than before, more certain and open, and Zac thinks about all the possibilities of this moment. What if he just tugged a little, looped his arm around Taylor’s skinny waist? Pulled him in closer, so their faces weren’t that far apart? Leaned in? Zac flinches at the idea, but they still don’t move. He’s had dirtier thoughts, but Taylor wasn’t in his vicinity for those. Maybe that’s why he feels even more wrong.

At the same time, they let go of each other’s hands and duck their heads. When Taylor looks at him again, he has a brilliant smile on his face. 

“Good night!” he says and heads in the direction of the sinks.

“Night,” Zac says. He feels the faint tingle of Taylor’s palm in his own, a twinge of what could have been if Zac wasn’t so afraid all the time. He wonders if that feeling will ever stop.

-

- _You know you can talk to me about anything, right?_

- _that was random_

- _I mean it. You’re my brother and I love you._

- _sure, yeah, of course._

-

“You’ve been hanging out with Taylor a lot lately,” Hayley says as they sip their tea on the dock of the lake. They both got up really early this morning and decided to just have some them time. As much as you’d have to twist his arm to admit it, Zac has kind of missed just getting to talk to her alone. She’s probably one of the best friends he has. 

“Well, it’s hard to not when you and Dakota slink off all the time and leave us to our own devices,” Zac says. 

“More than just on a technicality, Zachary,” she says, and smiles so soft. It reminds him of how he was in love with her for about five seconds back when he was, like, fifteen. “You actually get along.”

“He’s alright,” Zac says. “When he’s not being a complete and utter jackass, he’s cool. He’s also led a way more interesting life than me, so it’s cool to hear his stories.”

Hayley doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to give him a long look. One thing that Zac hates about her is how perceptive she is. She’s always been more observant of his little tics than anyone else he’s close to, even Josh, who can see through every little turn of phrase he could ever dream to spout. She looks down at his shirt and tugs at the sleeve a little bit.

“This isn’t your Ramones shirt,” she says, examining the sleeve’s edges. “This is his. Did you know that?”

“Oh, I know,” Zac says. “He probably has it. Or it got lost in the laundry. This one’s tight but whatever, it’s not his fault I’m a fatass.”

“Stop saying that about yourself,” Hayley says. “Your size doesn’t matter. And you’ve been losing weight all over the place, even since you got here.” 

“Haven’t noticed, really,” Zac says. There aren’t many mirrors here anyway, so how would he know. “You know, running around after these kids, adjusting to working. Don’t have much time to think about my physical appearance.”

“You still gonna ask Dakota out?” Hayley asks. “You know, when we’re done running around at camp.”

“Nah, I don’t think so,” Zac says. “She’s going to college and I’m... I don’t know. She’s totally crushing on Taylor anyway so even if I did ask her out it wouldn’t matter.”

Hayley opens her mouth like she wants to say something in response, but doesn’t. 

“What?” Zac asks.

She shakes her head, looking down at her knees as though she’s weighing some kind of important decision. When she speaks again, the set of her face is more gentle than he’s ever seen it. “You know. It’s okay if you’re figuring things out right now. You can talk to me.”

Zac’s blood runs cold. He thought he was being so careful, so good. That no one knew but him, that no one would ever know but him. Has he been too obvious? Has he been too close to Taylor lately, not close enough to Dakota? He tries to set his face to neutral, but his words are less than denial. “I’m not sure what there is for me to talk about.”

“If you become sure,” she says, because of course she would see right through him. “When you’re sure. You can tell me. You don’t have to tell Josh if you’re not ready.”

“Even if there was something I was figuring out, how could I trust you to not say anything?” he says before he can stop himself. 

Hayley sighs. She inches closer to him and puts her head on his shoulder. “You’re one of my best friends. And it wouldn’t be for me to say.”

Zac mimics her sigh and puts his head on top of hers. They sit like that for a while, watching the sun creep up over the horizon. Maybe - no, definitely. He’s definitely needed to talk about this to someone who isn’t himself. Even if it is his brother’s girlfriend. Maybe New York is changing Josh, but would it change him enough for him to be okay with Zac even entertaining the thought of liking a guy? It’s a while before Zac can even put together something to say.    
  
“I think I like guys,” Zac says. “Well, one guy in particular.” 

“I know,” Hayley says. She grabs his hand. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he says, and then it’s as if he can’t put a cork in his flow. “He makes me so happy but he also makes me angry. And I just hate myself, I hate myself so much for feeling this way. And my family’s going to hate me, and you’re going to hate me, and God is going to hate me -”

“None of that is true,” Hayley says. “Honestly, I feel like any God who casts you aside because of a small thing like that isn’t the true God I believe in.”

“You sound like a Lifetime movie,” Zac says, which he hopes she understands means ‘thanks’.

She seems to, because she gives him a kiss on the cheek. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now but you’re brave for going through it." "Thanks," Zac says. "I don't feel brave. I feel like a coward. Not to mention hopeless." "I don't think it's as hopeless as you think it is," Hayley says. "Have a little faith." Zac really wishes he could.

-

- _I get my girlfriend and my brother back on the same day! My life is awesome! You excited to come back home?_

- _for the most part, yeah._

- _Is it gonna be weird not being around that Taylor kid 24/7? Even if he’s an annoying little bastard._

- _that’s one way of putting it._

-

On the last night of camp, Zac is brushing his teeth, a million things on his mind. What’s going to happen to him in this coming year? Without school to take up most of his days, he’s going to have to find a job fast. He thinks of the kids, who have been asleep for hours. He’s finally getting the hang of having them in his hair twenty four seven, and now they’re going back to annoy their real families. Will he be working here next year? A lot can change. And Taylor... what is he going to even begin to do? His conversation with Hayley helped a little bit, having someone on his side like that, but Josh probably already knows by now. Even if he never speaks to Taylor again after tonight, Josh is going to give him hell for this. Fuck... 

When Taylor pokes his head in the bathroom door, Zac squeaks. He stops mid brush and spits, wiping his mouth. He feels like a total fool. 

“What?” Zac whispers. He means for it to come off aggressive, but it comes off a little nervous instead.

“I found where the college kids have been hiding the junk food and beer,” Taylor says, and leans in closer. He smells a little bit like the Budweiser his dad drinks during football games, mixed with sour sugar. “I mean, Jeremy tipped me off, but still.”

Zac’s eyes widen. He didn’t think that place actually existed, and he didn’t think there’d be alcohol there too. Taylor grins and shoves a gummy worm into Zac’s slightly open mouth. It tastes gross mixed with toothpaste, but God, being without sugar for three weeks has been torture. Taylor’s fingertips brush just the slightest bit against his lips, which he definitely does not notice.

“Come with me, I’ll show you,” Taylor says and tugs on his wrist.

“The kids -” Zac tries to tug away.

“Dakota and Hayley are there. It’s fine,” Taylor says, tightening his grip.

“Do they know though?” Zac asks.

Taylor nods and tugs him along. “They made me promise to bring them back Swedish Fish in exchange. No excuses.”

Zac acquiesces. It’s a lost cause. 

Turns out there’s still a refrigerator running in the boarded up building on the edge of the campgrounds. Zac suspects that someone plugged it in, but he’s not one to question these things. One of the boards comes clean off if you wiggle it enough, but is easily replaceable. Taylor goes while he makes Zac keep watch; Zac tries not to think about hoisting him up to one of the windows. When Taylor comes back out a few minutes later, it’s like Christmas and his birthday at the same time. He’s snatched enough for the two of them to eat themselves and drink themselves sick, but not too much that they’ll be missed. 

They eventually make their way to the bullpen of the field hockey rink that’s way on top of the hill, sitting against the barrier below the top ledge. It’s still early enough that they’ll have plenty of time to hang out and then go back without hating their lives in the morning. Lights from the camp below, as well as the full moon, give them enough visibility so they can see the candy and each other. After checking if the coast is clear, they dig in, washing it down with the Keystone, which absolutely tastes like pisswater. It does the trick though, and when they’re through with everything, Zac feels tipsy and uncomfortably full.

“I never want to eat again,” Zac says, thunking his head against the wood. It feels like he’s talking in slow motion. He hopes his belly doesn’t look bigger than it already is. Taylor’s probably judging him right now.

Taylor also thunks his head, so maybe he’s too drunk to care. “That’s it, Zac. You’re gonna have to carry me back. I can’t do it.”

“I’ll roll you down the hill, maybe. After that you’re on your own.” They burst into silent laughter, wheezing.

When they’ve recovered, Zac asks, “Where’s your favorite place you’ve lived?”

Taylor thinks for a second, not even giving him a strange look for the non sequitur. “You know, I’ve been so many places, but I love it here. The weather is so beautiful, but I don’t feel super out of place like I feel in other countries. That and California. We’ve been there the most.”

“Your hair is really long,” Zac says. It has something to do with California, but that part of the sentence doesn’t come out. Stupid slow brain. 

“Thanks, I grow it myself,” Taylor says. He burps. “I was thinking of cutting it, actually.”

“Why? It’s nice,” Taylor says, because he can’t keep his mouth shut, apparently.

“I kinda want to fit in here, you know? It’s good to be back. I feel like I belong. Food’s great, pace is slower, people are nice. Even the husky boys with big brown eyes and bad tempers.” He ruffles Zac’s hair after that one, sticking out his tongue.

“Hey, stop,” Zac says, batting Taylor’s hands away and folding his arms. Everything feels like it’s in slow motion, kind of. “You’re the worst.”

“Hayley’s right, you have no sense of humor,” Taylor says, but he doesn’t sound annoyed. 

“I do too have a sense of humor,” Zac says. Again, like one of their campers.

Taylor shakes his head fondly. “I know you do. I think you’re cool. I’m just trying to figure out what makes you run hot and cold all the time.”

“I’m the hot and cold one? Really?” Zac says.

“I mean, I’m not pissed or anything, but I feel like half the time you have something up your ass,” Taylor says. 

“Don’t curse,” he says automatically. Zac curses all the time in his head, but he’s gotten enough whacks to not say it out loud.

“See what I mean? Uptight.” Taylor flat out sticks out his tongue and waggles his fingers like he’s five. “What are you gonna do about it anyway? Call my mom?” 

“Okay, there we go, that’s why I’m so uptight all the time,” Zac says instead of ‘I don’t like you,’ like he thought he was going to. “I just wanted to have a stress free time, and you had to come and screw everything up. How do you stand yourself? You wear clothes like you’re a summer vampire and that sweatband - which is disgusting, so you know - and your laugh sounds like something got stuck in a vacuum cleaner. But everyone else likes you because you’re so good at everything and they think you’re so friendly. Every time I feel like we’re becoming close, like you actually want to be around me, you say something and I feel like I’m just some big joke to you again. So that’s the hot and cold.” 

He takes a deep breath after, feeling red in the face. The thing is he’s not like this at home. He’s silly and funny and obnoxious at home. He’s never been so uptight, so nervous, so confused in his whole life. He said too much. He thought he had his stupid crush on lock, but then he had to go and be a girl about everything. And of course, of course, Taylor is laughing his head off, that cartoon Goofy laugh that means he’s really amused.

“What? What did I do this time that’s so hilarious?” Zac says. He lets out a little frustrated scream, the closest he’s gotten to yelling this whole time. 

It takes Taylor a minute to bring himself back, but when he does, his expression changes entirely. It gets... softer? More serious, maybe - as serious as he can be. He shifts closer to Zac, so close that their thighs are flush against each other. His left pinky crosses over Zac’s right. Zac’s having trouble breathing.

“You’re so cute,” Taylor says and kisses him.

Zac knows he should stop this and push him away. He knows he should run and tell someone, the nurse, the head counselor, somebody about what Taylor’s doing. He should confess to stealing the food and booze, to sneaking out past curfew, to getting drunk. He knows all of this, all of what’s right. 

He doesn’t do any of that though. 

It’s like a light switch turns on in Zac’s head. He knows he likes Taylor that way, has come to terms with it, but he didn’t think that Taylor liked _him_ that way. But then again, he supposes he saw this coming from somewhere off in the distance. Their half glances, little flirtatious moments. Sharing food, clothes, secrets. A dozen near misses, a second too long, a bit too close. Zac’s just getting used to the kiss when Taylor tears himself away, looking a combination of sad and scared.

“I’m so sorry.” He sits down on his tailbone, head against the board again, feet on the ground and legs tented low. They’re really hairy. 

“It’s alright,” Zac says, a little dazed. It’s weird that he wants to slide his hand up Taylor’s leg and feel that hair. 

“I totally read something into the situation that wasn’t there.” His hazel eyes look honey brown in the headlamps of the rink. “Good job, Taylor, he was starting to like you and you blew it.”

Their hands are still touching and Zac moves his hand on top of Taylor’s. He hears Taylor’s breath hitch, but they don’t do anything for a little bit, just staying there. In a feat of small daring, he moves into Taylor’s space. When Taylor turns his head sharply, his huge eyes are even wider. His button nose is adorable, and his lips are pretty like Dakota’s are. _You’re the cute one._ Before he can think himself out of it, Zac presses himself further into Taylor’s side, getting close like Taylor did when he brushed away Zac’s eyelash. He leans his forehead against Taylor’s and they’re breathing the same air.

“You didn’t blow it. Not even close.” When he reaches to lightly touch Taylor’s face, he can feel a tremor running through his body. He leans in first this time.

Taylor pushes into the kiss, opening his mouth and coaxing Zac to do the same. It’s much better once they’re past that initial hump, and Zac’s fingers curl into Taylor’s hair. It’s thicker and even more soft than he thought it would be, a little tangled from running after kids all day. He tastes like gummy bears and stale beer, which should be awful, but Zac just wants more of it. He knows he’s a pretty bad kisser, his movements clumsy, but Taylor doesn’t seem to mind. He makes a little sound that makes Zac’s breath and cheeks hot. He’s so hot everywhere, way too hot for the chilly Smoky Mountain night time. Taylor has shifted so his arms are wrapped around Zac, one of his hands resting on a strip of bare skin where his undershirt has ridden up, his thumb rubbing a circle on the small of his back. 

“I’ve wanted to do that since I met you,” Taylor whispers when they come up for air. His lips are red and a little swollen, which makes Zac’s stomach twist. 

“I wanted to punch you since I met you,” Zac says. He tries to screw up his face and look angry, but it doesn’t work, and he laughs loudly instead.

“You need to laugh more,” Taylor says. “Your laugh is so adorable.”

“Gah, stop -” Zac is happy it’s not easy to tell how much he’s blushing.

“I wasn’t sure, you know,” Taylor says. “About you.”

“What do you mean?” Zac says. “Like, that we’d be friends?”

“No, not that,” Taylor says. “I figured we’d probably become friends out of necessity if nothing else. I meant if you liked boys.”

“Oh,” Zac says. “I’ve thought about it. Do I give off vibes?”

Taylor smiles. “I think it was just wishful thinking. I figured I’d give it a shot. The worst that could happen is that we would go back to you being mad at me _all_ the time.”

“Paid off,” Zac says, a little shaky.

Taylor kisses him on the nose. “Besides, you couldn’t beat me up if you tried, so I didn’t have to worry about that.”

Zac punches him hard in the arm. “I weigh like forty pounds more than you, I could definitely beat you up.” 

Taylor flashes a smile. “And here I was, thinking you’d freak out.”

“I am freaking out a little,” he admits. “I don’t think it’s a bad freak out though.”

Taylor smiles knowingly. “First time kissing a boy?” 

“First time kissing anyone.” He feels like such a loser. He thought Dakota would be his first but... this isn’t bad either.

“Really?” Taylor looks confused.

“Eighteen and never been kissed,” Zac says, resisting the urge to look down. He’s at least kissed someone now, so he figures he’s not that much of a loser.

Taylor looks even more confused. “Was that by, like, choice or something?”

“Uh, no?” Zac says. Taylor’s so weird. “I’m ugly as sin, first off. Second, I’m fat and I used to be even fatter. You sure you have your contacts in?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the one who needs contacts,” Taylor says, kissing him on the cheek. He puts a hand in the slight bend of Zac’s waist. “I see an adorable boy who drives me crazy. I can’t even deal with you.” 

“Stop,” Zac says, but he’s blushing, noticing every part of them that’s touching. 

Taylor shrugs. “I personally think you’re a liar, because anyone who would pass you up has issues. But whatever. More for me.”

They stare at each other, smiling, then ducking their heads. Zac is the first to break their giddy silence. “We should get back at some point.”

“Not right now though,” Taylor says, and rushes forward to kiss him. Zac meets him halfway. 

This kiss is a lot more sloppy, more urgent, now that they both know they want this. One of Taylor’s hands grabs onto Zac’s bare thigh where his shorts have ridden up, tangling them more together. The other has made its way up Zac’s shirt and is splayed on the skin of his back. Zac’s own hands are wandering everywhere, fingers raking across Taylor’s shirt. Taylor keeps biting his lower lip, which is doing wonders for, well, everywhere. Zac tries biting Taylor’s lip and Taylor makes a loud noise that he quickly tries to muffle. 

The thing is - well - Zac’s really hard, and it’s embarrassing. Taylor keeps biting and licking, saying all kinds of things, and it’s driving him crazy. He’s trying to not make Taylor feel weird though. Even if Taylor’s bi, Zac doesn’t know how much he likes guys and if he would want to go further than this. (Apparently Zac’s body is on board with going further, even if his mind is just getting used to it.) It’s getting difficult to not press himself into Taylor’s leg, especially since he keeps pulling Zac closer as they go on. When Taylor nips his earlobe, he cries out and grinds into Taylor’s leg on instinct. 

Zac freezes. Taylor is panting, his eyes a little glassy. Oh no. He felt it. It’s gonna be over and it’s all Zac’s fault. Zac feels the urge to bolt. Taylor must feel that because he kisses him, far more gentle than they have been doing. He curls his arms around him even tighter. He presses himself just the smallest amount against Zac’s knee and wow, yeah, he’s not alone.

“You really think I’m not there too?” Taylor says, laughing. “You really think that?” 

“Oh,” Zac says, relief flooding him. 

“Ever since I saw you in your underwear, I’ve jerked off every night thinking about it,” Taylor says. “I don’t get how you don’t see what I see.”

Zac just nods, still trying to process that Taylor thinks he’s hot. He bites the bullet and presses down at the same time Taylor presses up.

“Fuck, shit, agh,” Taylor says, and buries his face in Zac’s neck.

“Don’t curse, Taylor,” Zac says. “We’re at bible camp.”

“We’re necking in a hockey rink at like one AM,” Taylor quips right back. “That is a moot point at best.”

Zac laughs. “I know. I think it’s hilarious.” 

Taylor inhales and lifts his head up to look at Zac. “You smell awesome.”

“Like sweat and shitty beer?” Zac says.

“Like beer and toothpaste and... I don’t know, boy,” Taylor says. “You smell like you. I took your Ramones shirt again, but only after you wore it. If you’re wondering why you’ve been wearing mine again.”

“You little creep,” Zac says, his stomach squirming at the idea of Taylor in his clothes, maybe another shirt or a hoodie or something. Right now though, he wants the opposite. “Uh, actually, would you wanna take your shirt off? I mean, I can take my shirt off too, if it makes you feel better. I kind of just want to feel your skin. Wow, that came out really creepy...”

“No that would be great,” Taylor says, quickly shedding his shirt, his hair falling in his face. He brushes it out and smiles that bright smile. “I was hoping that would happen but I didn’t want to push you.”

Zac is distracted for a few seconds by Taylor’s torso, the softness with an edge of definition. His skin is so pretty in the moonlight, and Zac wants to touch all over. He never thought he’d find a guy’s body this attractive, but he’s on autopilot, taking his shirt off while giving Taylor the up-down. He jumps a little when he feels Taylor’s hand on his chest.

“Mmm, yeah,” Taylor says, biting his lip. “You don’t wear tank tops, do you?”

“Mostly band shirts, you know that,” Zac says. “Why - _oh_ -”

Taylor’s making his way down his neck, feather light kisses until he reaches low, low, low down, the junction where his neck ends and his shoulder begins. He starts to suck on that patch of skin, and Zac’s so hard it’s almost painful. He puts his hand on Taylor’s bare back and feels Taylor shiver under his touch. 

Taylor makes his way back up his neck and ends his journey by kissing Zac’s lips. He looks into his eyes, his gaze soft and curious. “Can I touch you?”

“Yeah,” Zac says, relishing in the sting of what Taylor’s left behind. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

“Okay, good,” Taylor says. He sounds nervous. “Back up a little?”

They untangle themselves just enough so that there’s room for Taylor to dip his hand inside Zac’s basketball shorts. This is the one night he hasn’t worn boxers and it’s paid off. Taylor’s hand on his cock is like his own but different. He’s jacking Zac slow, thank goodness - if he wasn’t, Zac would come in five seconds. Zac knows he’s making pathetic noises but Taylor hasn’t complained thus far. He seems to be taking notes - whenever Zac makes a noise, he tries to duplicate what he did but harder or faster. His lips are back where there were before, nibbling around the sore patch of skin, adding more pressure to where he's already staked his claim. How is this real? 

“Can you shove down your shorts a little?” Taylor asks. “Just so my hand isn’t at a weird angle, if that’s okay.”

Zac feels nervous about Taylor seeing him, but he nods; it’ll probably feel better for the both of them if his hand is less cramped. This ends up being true. With the added freedom, Taylor tries different speeds, sometimes thumbing the slit at the top. Zac deserves a trophy for holding on this long. 

“Are you sure you haven’t done this before?” Zac gasps.

“Never,” Taylor says. “I’ve thought about it though. Especially with you.”

“I want to touch you,” he says to Taylor, who actually gulps.

“Please,” Taylor says, and shoves down his shorts. 

Zac laughs a little and reaches over, taking Taylor in his hand. He bucks against Zac’s hand, and Zac is so nervous that he’s not going to find the right rhythm for him. That’s okay though, because Taylor does not seem to care about that as he moves his hand. Again, it’s like touching himself but not. He uses a few tricks for Taylor that he does for himself, and holy shit, having another person react to that is unreal. Taylor speeds up his hand, which had been leisurely up until now, and... 

“Are we synced up? Really?” Zac says, when he tunes back into the moment at hand. Of course he’s trying to make a joke, but it comes out as something of a plea.

“You’re really good at this,” Taylor says, biting back a whine, which does wonders for Zac’s current state of affairs. His sweaty skin glistens as his puffy curls stick to his face. “I’m just following you.”

“Kiss me,” Zac says, unsure of what else to say or do, and Taylor happily obliges. 

It’s something of a relief that they’re both new to this - Zac doesn’t feel nearly as sheepish or embarrassed as he would if Taylor was an expert. This still feels intensely intimate, with how close they are to one another, their breath mingling as their foreheads touch. It occurs to Zac exactly why he feels so overwhelmed by this moment (besides the fact that he’s having sex for the first time, duh) - he’s never really seen Taylor so vulnerable like this. It feels like Taylor’s always putting up a front when they're interacting out in the open, but right now, he's finally let his guard down. "I wanna blow you," Taylor says, his breaths getting fast and shallow. "See how you feel in my mouth." "Next time," Zac says. He means it. 

They both come at the same time, Taylor with a weird bark-like sound and Zac with a high sigh. The face that Taylor makes is pretty ridiculous too. It’s just not a good state of being for him aesthetic wise. (Zac’s pretty sure his face is no star prize either, for how Taylor giggles almost immediately after.) Zac pauses before taking Taylor’s hand and tasting a little of it. Salty and bitter, but not the worst thing in the world. Taylor gapes at him.

“What?” Zac says.

“You’re so awesome,” Taylor whispers, and it’s almost reverent. “I mean, that was gross, but that was also kind of hot.”

“After all that, I also get my ego stroked,” Zac says, pumping his fist. “Hey, is that my shirt you’re using to wipe off your hand?”

“Deal with it,” Taylor says, sticking out his tongue. “So you’re the first dude I’ve ever had sex with. Hmmm.”

“You swiped my V-card, like, in general,” Zac says, taking Taylor’s shirt to clean up and flipping him off when he makes an annoyed noise. “Good job, high five, go team.”

Taylor laughs - like, really laughs. Zac’s only realizing now that this laugh is only one he hears when the two of them are alone. He’s filled with such a huge rush of something in his chest - like what he felt in the first week, but flipped on its head. It’s not hatred. It’s not love either, but maybe that’s because Zac isn’t even sure what love is. He kind of wants to find out though. If all of what everyone else says is true... Only one real way to find out.

“Okay, so maybe this is preemptive, but...” Zac says. “You’re living in Nashville with your brother?”

“Moving there tomorrow, yeah,” Taylor says.

“I’m going to be living in Franklin,” Zac says. “Which, you know. Is not too far.”

“I’m so glad you can read maps, Zac,” Taylor says. “All of this counselor business will not have been for naught.”

“Shut up, asswipe,” Zac says. “Sooooo. If I’m living in Franklin and you’re living in Nashville -” 

“Wait, are you asking me out right now?” Taylor says, but he looks fucking delighted.

“Yeah, I’m asking you out,” Zac says. “Maybe you’ll get to see what I’m like when I’m not constantly freaking out.”

“I’ve heard rumors that you’re normally obnoxious,” Taylor says. When he reaches out and ruffles Zac’s hair again, it’s more to thread his fingers through, as if to feel its texture for the first time. 

“So...?” Zac says. “I mean, if you don’t want to go out with me, it’s cool. I totally get it. We spent a lot of the summer in a weird spot, and we just hooked up, and you probably want to adjust to the idea of living in one place and who knows, maybe you can play the field a little bit, you’re a good looking guy, you can have whoever you want if you smile at them, maybe even get into a bar, you look enough like you’re twenty one, not that -”

Taylor leans forward and kisses him, shutting him up. Zac leans forward and there’s no tongue, just pressure, maybe a little movement. When they part, Taylor stays close.

“So chatty,” Taylor says, keeping his hand on Zac’s knee. “I like this Zac even better than grumpy Zac.”

“Taylor,” Zac practically whines. It’s not particularly mature, but he’s starting to lose his bravado very quickly.

Taylor sighs, taking his hand off Zac’s knee to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. Zac hasn’t noticed how long his hair has been getting. “Yes, I want to go out with you. And it better be exclusively. I don’t like sharing.”

Zac’s shoulders feel a thousand times lighter, his chest brighter, his head to toes come alive. He leans his forehead against Taylor’s. “Awesome.”

“We should actually get back now,” Taylor says, equally breathless. “Hayley and Dakota are probably wondering where the hell we are.”

“I think Hayley knows,” Zac says. He sends a huge mental hug her way. “Dakota can deal.”

“Thank goodness I don’t have to hate her anymore,” Taylor says. “What? I was jealous!”

“Why?” Zac asks, but his heart is beating a million miles an hour. 

“Don’t be dumb,” Taylor says. “You like her. I want you to like me. Jealousy.”

“I _liked_ her,” Zac says. “It’s kind of cute to see you insecure though. For a change.”

“Believe me, I’m full of that,” Taylor says. “The good and the bad. You have no idea what you signed up for.”

“I’m stoked,” Zac says, laughing at himself. “I love change.” 

-

- _hayley....... you know what we talked about t....?_

- _yeah......? Kinda vague much_

- _you told me to let you know how things went if i talked to him.... so. :)_

- _!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

-

“Your phone keeps buzzing,” Josh says.

“I pay for my own texting, it’s fine,” Zac says, steadfastly ignoring yet another buzz from where his phone rests face down on the table. 

“If you want to answer your text messages, it’s fine,” Hayley says, and she shares a look with Josh before they both look at him. 

“I’m fine,” Zac says.

He really does want to answer his messages. Taylor is at a family party and probably bored out of his skull. Zac wants him to be here but he doesn’t know if Josh can handle Zac dropping the boyfriend bomb when he’s back from college for his birthday weekend. It doesn’t seem fair in the slightest. Hopefully Taylor gets the hint and they can just hang out later tonight like they were planning on doing anyway.

“If you’re -” Josh starts to say, but everyone’s eyebrows shoot up when the phone starts ringing. 

“I’m just gonna -” Zac starts to say, but lets out a strangled yelp when Josh grabs the phone and hits the answer button, quickly putting it on speaker.

“Oh, so you pick up a phone call, but you don’t answer text messages, you complete boob,” Taylor says, and Zac giggles despite the fact that these are, indeed, his last moments before he disintegrates into ashes on the floor, probably. “Are we still hanging out after Josh and Hayley head out for the night?”

“Hey, Taylor, how’s it going?” Josh says, a little too loudly. “So happy to meet you! Bummed it’s over the phone though.”

Hayley holds back a giggle as Taylor lets out a little death rattle in the thick silence that follows Josh’s greeting. Zac hates everything. This is terrible. “...Josh, I’m assuming. Hi.”

“Don’t get angry at Zac, okay?” Josh says, and he’s smiling way too big right now. “He didn’t say anything to me about you guys dating. I’ve just been snooping like a motherfucker.”

“Uh,” Taylor says, and Zac wants to die. So much for them hanging out later. 

“I have to make sure my brother’s first boyfriend - first relationship at all, in fact - is an acceptable human being,” Josh says. “Did you know you’re the first person he’s kissed?”

“He gave me that information himself, yeah,” Taylor says, a little more settled. Taylor’s a smartass, so this is territory he can handle. Good.

“Was he terrible?” Josh says. Hayley has given up on trying to conceal her laughter at this point. “Did he bite you?”

“No bites, thankfully, though he did slobber all over me,” Taylor says, and there’s the edge of meanness that infuriated Zac so much when they were at camp. Only now, it just makes Zac kind of turned on. “His nose jabbed me in the face.”

“None of that is even remotely true,” Zac says. “I’m going to spare them any embarrassing details of yours.”

“Oh, Zac,” Taylor says, voice taking on an even more teasing quality. “I’m so glad you’ve joined the conversation, love.” 

Zac blushes like he does every time Taylor calls him that, and Josh and Hayley give him identical incredulous looks. He clears his throat. “Taylor, this is my brother Josh. Josh, this is my boyfriend Taylor. Hayley, you know everyone involved.”

“I do,” she says, nodding gravely but winking a second after.

“I’ll redo this speech in person, but Zac says you’re bigger than me, so listen now while I still sound threatening,” Josh says, and Zac grins when he hears Taylor giggle under his breath. “You hurt him, I’ll end your life, whether literally or figuratively. Understand?”

“You got it,” Taylor says. “I would welcome death.”

“Good,” Josh says. “So, we’re singing happy birthday at 8pm. You know where our house is, right?”

“Oh,” Taylor says. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“I’ll see you then,” Josh says. “Bye now.”

“Bye,” Taylor says. It’s probably the most bashful Zac’s ever heard him sound.

“You’re a menace,” Hayley says as Josh hangs up the call and looks at Zac with a grin on his face.

“Was that so hard?” Josh says.

“Happy birthday, you fucking weirdo,” Zac says, rolling his eyes. “I hope you’re happy.”

“My brother’s dating someone who can dish it and take it,” Josh says. “I’m over the moon.”

Zac can’t argue with that.

-

- _You didn’t tell me he was that good looking._

“My brother thinks you’re hot,” Zac says to Taylor, who is seated beside him in bed, leafing through an issue of Alternative Press.

“Tell him thank you,” Taylor says. “You know, out of me and Hayley, I definitely got the better deal in terms of looks though.”

“Are you calling my brother ugly?” Zac asks as he types _that’s fucking weird please never say anything like that again_.

- _I’m a heterosexual male in a committed relationship but I’m man enough to say when a guy is good looking. I get why you’d switch teams._

“No, I’m calling you hot,” Taylor says, letting his magazine fall to the floor as he presses himself into Zac’s side.

Teams, hm. He types in a quick message: _i’m just on whatever team lets me play with him. forgive the innuendo_

“Okay, no more phone,” Zac says, rolling over and pulling Taylor along with him to tangle them together, legs and arms and lips and heart. Taylor presses himself all along Zac’s front, lips drifting farther and farther down.

“I’m really thankful your brother had that stupid program and didn’t go to camp,” Taylor says as his tongue delicately traces the shell of Zac’s ear.

“Me too,” Zac says. He is.


End file.
